- To repair a damaged relationship or restore friendly relations after a disagreement, argument, or period of coolness.
- Both phrases imply taking action to fix the problem between people.
Explanation
Origin
- Mend fences: Likely comes from the literal act of farmers or neighbours repairing the fences between their properties. This often required cooperation and symbolized the restoration of good relations and clear boundaries.
- Patch things up: A general metaphor for repairing something that is torn or broken (like patching clothes or a tire). Applied figuratively to relationships that have 'broken down'.
Synonyms & Related Expressions
Alternatives
Slang/Informal:
- Make nice
- Get cool again (become friendly again)
- Sort shit out / Fix our shit (Vulgar resolve problems)
- Smooth it over
Vulgar/Emphatic (Focusing on resolving the issue):
- Fix this fucking mess between us.
- We need to sort our shit out.
Milder/Standard:
- Reconcile
- Make amends
- Repair the relationship
- Restore harmony
- Resolve the issue
Situational Appropriateness
- Suitable for informal and semi-formal contexts.
- Patch things up is perhaps slightly more informal than mend fences.
- Both clearly communicate the intention to repair a relationship.
Misunderstanding Warnings
- Mend fences could be taken literally if the context isn't purely relational.
- Patch things up is generally less prone to literal misinterpretation as it's a common metaphor for repair.
Examples
- He called his sister to try and mend fences after their argument.
- They had a big fight, but they managed to patch things up over dinner.
- I think you should try to mend fences with your colleague. / Maybe you two can patch things up?
Dialogue
Anna: I feel bad about how I spoke to Lisa last week. We haven't talked since.
Ben: It sounds like you want to patch things up. Maybe give her a call?
Anna: You're right. I should try to mend fences. Our friendship is important to me.
Ben: Good luck. Let me know how it goes.
Social Media Examples
- Post: Spent the afternoon mending fences with an old friend. Feels good to reconnect. ❤️ #friendship #reconciliation
- Tweet: Need to patch things up with my roommate after our disagreement about chores. Ugh. #adulting #communication
- Advice Column Snippet: ...suggests ways to mend fences with estranged family members.
Response Patterns
- Encouragement (That's a good idea, I hope it works out for you).
- Curiosity (What happened between you two?, What are you going to say?).
- Advice (Maybe start with an apology?, Perhaps suggest meeting somewhere neutral?).
Common Follow-up Questions/Actions
- Discussing the cause of the rift.
- Planning the specific actions to take for reconciliation (e.g., calling, meeting).
- Expressing hope for a positive outcome.
Conversation Starter
- No.
- Refers to the process or intention of repairing a relationship.
Intonation
- Mend FENces.
- Patch things UP. Emphasis often on UP.
Generation Differences
- Both expressions are common and understood across generations.
Regional Variations
- Widely used in English-speaking countries.