- To hesitate, be indecisive, or avoid giving a direct answer or making a commitment, often characterized by pausing and making non-committal sounds like hem, haw, or um.
Explanation
Origin
- Hem and haw are onomatopoeic, representing the sounds people make when clearing their throat or pausing in speech due to uncertainty or evasiveness.
- Hem has been used to mean faltering in speech since the 14th century. Haw likely relates to hawk (clearing the throat).
- The combined phrase hem and haw emerged around the 18th century to describe the audible manifestation of indecision, stalling, or reluctance to speak plainly.
Synonyms & Related Expressions
Alternatives
Slang/Informal:
- Dithering.
- Waffling. (UK)
- Shilly-shallying.
- Beating around the bush.
- Faffing around. (UK/Aus: Wasting time indecisively)
Vulgar/Emphatic:
- Stop fucking around and answer.
- Shit or get off the pot. (Crude: Make a decision)
Milder/Standard:
- Hesitating.
- Being evasive.
- Delaying.
- Being indecisive.
- Equivocating.
Situational Appropriateness
- Informal to semi-formal.
- It carries a slightly negative connotation, implying unnecessary delay or evasion. Less likely to be used *in* highly formal settings, though the behavior it describes might occur there.
Misunderstanding Warnings
- The individual words 'hem' and 'haw' are rare outside this idiom. Learners might not connect them to the sounds of hesitation unless explained.
Examples
- Stop hemming and hawing and just give me a straight answer!
- He hemmed and hawed for several minutes before finally admitting he didn't know.
- Asked about the project deadline, she just hemmed and hawed, avoiding a firm commitment.
Dialogue
Boss: Did you finish the report I asked for, Tom?
Tom: Well, uh... hem... I've made significant progress... haw... just a few sections left to finalize... um...
Boss: Tom, stop hemming and hawing. Is it done or not? I need a clear answer.
Tom: ...Not completely, no.
Social Media Examples
- Asked my toddler what they wanted for breakfast. Cue 5 minutes of intense hemming and hawing between cereal and toast. 😂 #toddlerlife #indecisive
- Watching the press conference. The spokesperson is just hemming and hawing instead of answering the direct questions. #politics #evasive
- Trying to get a straight answer from customer service... lots of hemming and hawing, no resolution yet. 🙄 #customerservicefail
Response Patterns
From the person hemming and hawing:
- Um... well...
- I'm not quite sure...
- Let me think about that...
- More throat-clearing or pausing.
From someone observing or waiting:
- Make up your mind!
- Just say it!
- Spit it out! (Informal)
- Yes or no?
- What's the hesitation?
Common Follow-up Questions/Actions
After observing someone 'hemming and hawing':
- Pressing for a clear answer or decision (We need an answer.).
- Asking directly about the cause of hesitation (What's holding you back?).
- Giving a deadline for a response (Okay, let me know by end of day.).
- Losing patience.
Conversation Starter
- No. It describes observed behavior, usually related to indecision or evasion.
Intonation
- Often used with a tone of annoyance or impatience directed at the person hesitating.
- Stress on HEMming and HAWing. He was just HEMming and HAWing.
Generation Differences
- Understood by most age groups. Might sound slightly more traditional or older compared to terms like being indecisive, but still in common use.
Regional Variations
- Widely understood across English-speaking regions. Waffling is a more common synonym in the UK.