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[0997] Between you and me

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English Idioms
All Idioms

Explanation

  • A phrase used to preface information that is meant to be kept secret or confidential between the speaker and the listener only.

Origin

  • The meaning is quite literal: the information should stay *between* the two people involved (you and me).
  • It establishes an immediate boundary of confidentiality. Variations like between you, me, and the gatepost/lamppost/wall are older, humorous ways to emphasize secrecy. The core phrase is centuries old.

Synonyms & Related Expressions

  • In confidence
  • Off the record (Especially in professional/journalistic contexts)
  • Just between us
  • This stays here / This doesn't leave this room
  • Keep this under your hat (Slightly dated, informal)
  • For your ears only
  • Mum's the word (UK/Commonwealth, informal promise to keep quiet)
  • On the quiet (UK/Commonwealth, informal)

Alternatives

Slang/Informal:

  • Keep this on the DL (Down Low meaning secret, discreet)
  • Keep this under wraps (Keep it secret/hidden)
  • This is hush-hush (Secret, confidential)
  • Word is... (Often introduces gossip/rumor, implies semi-secrecy) *Correction*: This isn't quite right, more about rumor. Let's remove.
  • Just between these four walls (Similar to 'doesn't leave this room')

Formal:

  • In strict confidence
  • This information is confidential
  • Speaking off the record...
  • For your discretion

Situational Appropriateness

  • Used in informal and semi-formal contexts when sharing sensitive or private information.
  • Establishes trust and an expectation of discretion.
  • Overusing it for trivial matters can diminish its impact.
  • Be mindful of ethical considerations and workplace confidentiality policies.

Misunderstanding Warnings

  • While the meaning is clear, non-native speakers might underestimate the social obligation to maintain secrecy, potentially repeating the information unintentionally. The seriousness depends on the context and the information shared.

Examples

  • Between you and me, I think the boss is planning to resign.
  • Don't repeat this, but between you and me, their marriage seems rocky.
  • This is strictly between you and me, okay?

Dialogue

Colleague A: Hey, got a second? Can I tell you something, between you and me?

Colleague B: Sure, what's up? My lips are sealed.

Colleague A: I overheard HR talking about potential layoffs in our department next quarter.

Colleague B: Whoa, seriously? Okay, wow. Thanks for the heads-up. Don't worry, this stays between you and me.

Social Media Examples

Generally *avoided* on public social media due to the inherent lack of privacy.

    Might appear in Direct Messages (DMs) or private chats:

    • DM: Hey, quick q between you and me, did you hear anything about the project budget getting cut?
    • Private Chat: Can I trust you? Okay, between you and me, I'm thinking of applying for that internal job opening.

    Response Patterns

    The listener typically signals agreement to keep the confidence:

    • Okay. / Got it.
    • My lips are sealed. (Common idiom for promising secrecy)
    • Of course. / Don't worry.
    • It won't go any further.
    • Sometimes repeating: Okay, between you and me.

    Common Follow-up Questions/Actions

    • The speaker shares the confidential information.
    • The listener is expected *not* to repeat the information to others.
    • The listener might ask clarifying questions about the secret information (cautiously) or just acknowledge it.

    Conversation Starter

    • Yes. It effectively starts the confidential part of a conversation, signaling a shift in tone and topic.

    Intonation

    • Often spoken in a slightly lowered voice or confidential tone.
    • Emphasis falls on BETWEEN, YOU, and ME.
    • BETWEEN you and ME... (Draws the listener in)

    Generation Differences

    • Universally understood and used across all generations.

    Regional Variations

    • Common in all English-speaking regions.
    • Note: Grammatically, between you and me is correct (objective pronoun 'me' after preposition 'between'). Between you and I is a common hypercorrection but considered grammatically incorrect by prescriptivists. However, it is frequently heard in informal speech.
    Take a hint
    🎲 Smooth sailing