- To flatter or praise someone excessively, often insincerely, in order to gain their favor, permission, or something desirable from them.
Explanation
Origin
- The imagery likely relates to spreading butter smoothly and thickly.
- It suggests coating the person with pleasantries to make them more receptive or 'soften' them up.
- The phrase has been used since at least the early 18th century.
Synonyms & Related Expressions
Alternatives
Slang/Informal:
- Suck up to (implies being overly subservient)
- Kiss up to / Kiss ass (Vulgar, similar to suck up to)
- Brown-nose (Crass, implies kissing someone's rear end)
- Schmooze (Mingling and flattering, often for networking/gain)
- Sweet-talk (Using charm and flattery)
- Polish the apple (Older slang, especially in school context for student/teacher)
Milder/Standard:
- Flatter
- Praise excessively
- Curry favor with
- Ingratiate oneself with (More formal)
- Pay compliments to
Situational Appropriateness
- Informal. Using the phrase itself is casual.
- The act of flattery can occur anywhere, but calling it buttering up implies a degree of skepticism or criticism.
- Avoid directly accusing a superior of buttering someone up or buttering you up unless the relationship is very informal.
Misunderstanding Warnings
- Could be confused with literally applying butter, though context usually makes it clear.
- The key nuance is the (often insincere) motive behind the flattery, which might be missed.
Examples
- He's always buttering up the professor hoping for a better grade.
- Stop buttering me up just tell me what you want.
- A little flattery can help, but don't butter them up too much or it sounds fake.
Dialogue
Employee: Mr. Harrison, I just have to say, your leadership on this project has been truly inspirational. Simply brilliant!
Mr. Harrison: (Slightly suspicious) Thank you, Miller. Is there something you need?
Employee: Well, since you mention it, I was hoping to discuss the possibility of taking next Friday off...
Mr. Harrison: Ah, I see. Trying to butter me up first, eh? Let's discuss your request, but save the excessive praise for another time.
Social Media Examples
- Tweet: My cat totally knows how to butter me up when he wants extra treats. Rubbing against my legs, purring like crazy... and it works! 😻 #CatsOfTwitter #ManipulativePets
- Reddit Comment: He spent the first 10 minutes of the meeting just buttering up the client before getting to the bad news. #SalesTactics
- Facebook Post: Beware of colleagues who suddenly start buttering you up... they usually want something! 😉 #WorkLife
Response Patterns
If said to the person being flattered:
- Oh, stop it! (Playful dismissal)
- What do you want? (Suspicious)
- Flattery will get you nowhere. (Rejection, can be serious or playful)
- You don't need to butter me up.
If discussing someone else doing it:
- Yeah, I noticed.
- It's so obvious.
- Wonder what they're after.
Common Follow-up Questions/Actions
- The person being 'buttered up' might directly ask the flatterer's intention (What do you need?).
- Observers might speculate on the flatterer's motives or the likelihood of success.
- The flatterer might reveal their request after the 'buttering up'.
Conversation Starter
- No. It's typically used to describe or accuse someone of an action within a conversation.
Intonation
- Stress often falls on BUTTER and UP.
- Stop BUTTERING me UP! (Accusatory tone)
- He's BUTTERING up the boss again. (Observational, perhaps cynical tone)
Generation Differences
- Widely understood. Perhaps slightly more common among older generations (30+) but still readily used and understood by younger people.
Regional Variations
- Common in most major English-speaking regions (US, UK, Canada, Australia).