- An expression used to show empathy and understanding of someone's perspective or reasoning (I see where you're coming from) before presenting a different opinion or counter-argument (but...).
- It emphasizes understanding the *reasoning* behind the other person's point, not just the point itself.
Explanation
Origin
- Emerged from therapeutic or communicative language emphasizing empathy and validation.
- Coming from refers to the underlying basis, assumptions, or experiences informing someone's viewpoint.
- Widely adopted into general conversation as a tool for constructive disagreement.
Synonyms & Related Expressions
Alternatives
Slang/Informal:
- I feel you, but... (Shows empathy, common in AAVE and widely adopted)
- Word, but... (Acknowledges hearing/understanding, then pivots. Word here means 'I understand' or 'True'. From hip-hop/urban culture.)
- True dat, but... (True dat is a slang affirmation, meaning 'that is true', derived from AAVE.)
More Direct:
- Your reasoning is flawed because... (Confrontational)
- While I understand your feelings, the facts are...
Situational Appropriateness
- Very appropriate for informal, semi-formal, and even formal discussions where empathy is valued.
- Excellent for conflict resolution or sensitive topics.
- Sounds considerate and constructive.
Misunderstanding Warnings
- Ensure the empathy sounds genuine; if said sarcastically, it can be very condescending.
- As with similar phrases, the core message follows the but. Don't let the initial validation overshadow the disagreement or alternative point being made.
Examples
- I see where you're coming from with wanting more autonomy, but we need team coordination on this project.
- I see where you're coming from, feeling frustrated, but shouting won't solve the problem.
- I see where you're coming from on preferring the old system, but the new one has critical security updates.
Dialogue
Employee: I think I deserve a bigger raise based on my contributions this year.
Manager: I see where you're coming from, you've definitely worked hard and achieved results, but the company-wide raise pool was limited this year, and your raise is actually at the top end of the approved range.
Employee: Oh, I didn't realize it was company-wide. Okay, I understand better now, though I'm still a bit disappointed.
Social Media Examples
- Comment on a controversial post: I see where you're coming from regarding free speech, but there's a difference between free speech and hate speech.
- Forum reply: I see where you're coming from wanting to simplify the code, but removing that module will break compatibility with older versions.
- Relationship advice thread: I see where you're coming from feeling neglected, but have you communicated your needs clearly to your partner?
Response Patterns
- Feeling understood, potentially more open to the counter-argument: Okay, I appreciate you seeing my side. What do you suggest then?
- Defending their position further: I know coordination is needed, but the current process is too restrictive.
- Acknowledging the counter-point: You're right, shouting isn't productive.
Common Follow-up Questions/Actions
- The speaker explains their differing view or proposed solution after but.
- The listener responds, hopefully leading to a more constructive dialogue because their perspective has been acknowledged.
Conversation Starter
- No. It's a response used during a discussion or disagreement.
Intonation
- Genuine empathy should be conveyed in the first part. Stress might be on see and coming. I SEE where you're COMING from, ...
- A slight pause before but.
- The tone after but introduces the contrasting element. ...but...
Generation Differences
- Widely used, perhaps slightly more emphasized in communication styles favored by Millennials and Gen Z, who often prioritize validation and empathy in discourse.
Regional Variations
- Common across major English-speaking regions.