- To hesitate and be indecisive when speaking or making a decision; to avoid giving a clear answer or making a commitment, often accompanied by filler sounds like um, er, well, etc.
Explanation
Origin
- The phrase is onomatopoeic, imitating the sounds (hem, haw, similar to ahem, er) someone might make while pausing, hesitating, searching for words, or feeling uncertain. It dates back several centuries.
Synonyms & Related Expressions
Alternatives
Slang/Informal:
- Dithering
- Waffling (Especially UK: talking vaguely without deciding)
- Beating around the bush
- Sitting on the fence (Not taking sides/making a choice)
- Pussyfooting around (Being overly cautious/evasive, use slang with care)
Vulgar/Emphatic:
- Stop fucking around and decide/answer! (Crude, very direct)
- Shit or get off the pot (Crude proverb demanding action or departure)
Milder:
- Hesitating
- Being indecisive
- Taking time to decide (More neutral)
- Seems uncertain
- Avoiding a direct answer
Situational Appropriateness
- Informal to semi-formal.
- It's inherently critical, implying indecisiveness or evasiveness. Use with caution, especially in more formal settings or with superiors, as it can sound quite direct and impatient.
Misunderstanding Warnings
- The words hem and haw are rarely used outside this idiom. Learners need to understand the phrase as a whole means 'to hesitate indecisively'.
Examples
- Stop hemming and hawing and just tell me if you want to come or not!
- He hemmed and hawed for ages before finally choosing a dessert.
- When asked about the budget cuts, the spokesperson just hemmed and hawed without giving a direct answer.
Dialogue
Salesperson: So, would you like the red one or the blue one?
Customer: Hmm, well, the red is nice, but... uh... the blue might match better... I'm not sure...
Salesperson: (Smiling patiently, but perhaps thinking 'Stop hemming and hawing') Take your time.
Friend (later): Why were you hemming and hawing so much? Just pick one!
Social Media Examples
- Tweet: Asked my teenager what they want for dinner. Cue 10 minutes of hemming and hawing. Just pick something! 😂 #teenlife #indecisive
- Forum Post: I hate it when politicians just hem and haw instead of giving a straight answer to a direct question. #politics
- Facebook Comment: Stop hemming and hawing about asking her out! Just do it!
Response Patterns
- From the listener: Impatience (Just decide!), urging clarity (What's the issue?), frustration.
- From the person hemming and hawing: Defensiveness (I'm thinking!), more hesitation, or finally making a decision/statement.
Common Follow-up Questions/Actions
After observing someone hemming and hawing:
- Press for a decision or clear statement: So, yes or no?, What's your final answer?
- Ask about the source of hesitation: What are you unsure about?
- Wait (often impatiently) for them to conclude.
Conversation Starter
- No. It's a description or criticism of someone's hesitant behavior in a specific situation.
Intonation
- Usually said with impatience, frustration, or criticism towards the person hesitating.
- Stress often falls on HEMMING and HAWING. Quit HEMMING and HAWING!
Generation Differences
- Understood by most generations. Perhaps slightly more common in usage among older generations, but still widely recognized and used.
Regional Variations
- Widely understood in English. The variant humming and hawing is also common.