- A phrase used to preface confidential information, indicating that it should not be shared with others.
- Between you and me: The standard form, limiting the secret to the speaker and listener.
- Between you, me, and the lamppost (or gatepost, wall): A humorous, folksy, or emphatic extension implying extreme secrecy – so secret even an inanimate object won't 'hear' it.
Explanation
Origin
- Between you and me: Establishes the exclusive pairing for the secret.
- The lamppost/gatepost addition is an idiomatic exaggeration dating to at least the 19th century, used for emphasis or humor. It personifies an inanimate object as a potential 'listener' that must also be excluded.
Synonyms & Related Expressions
Alternatives
Slang/Informal:
- Keep this on the DL (Down Low = secret)
- Mum's the word (An agreement to keep quiet, often a response)
- This is hush-hush
- Keep it under wraps
Milder/Standard:
- In confidence / Strictly confidential
- Can we speak privately?
- For your ears only (slightly dramatic/spy-like)
Situational Appropriateness
- Between you and me is suitable for informal and semi-formal situations where confidentiality is needed.
- Between you, me, and the lamppost is strictly informal, often humorous or slightly old-fashioned. Avoid in professional settings.
- Use only when you genuinely trust the listener and intend secrecy.
Misunderstanding Warnings
- Grammatically, between you and I is incorrect but sometimes heard. The fixed idiom is between you and me. Learners should stick to me.
- The core meaning of confidentiality is usually clear.
Examples
- Between you and me, I think John is going to propose tonight.
- Don't repeat this, but between you and me, the project is way over budget.
- Between you, me, and the lamppost, I wouldn't trust him with that responsibility.
Dialogue
Alice: Can I tell you something? Between you and me?
Bob: Absolutely. What's up?
Alice: I heard they might be offering voluntary redundancy packages soon.
Bob: Wow, really? Okay, I won't breathe a word.
Charlie: So, what did you *really* think of the presentation?
Denise: Well... between you, me, and the lamppost, it was pretty disorganized.
Charlie: (Whispering) Totally agree!
Social Media Examples
- (Rarely used publicly due to the inherent contradiction).
- DM/Private message: Hey, quick question, between you and me, did you hear anything about the team reshuffle?
- Humorous Tweet: Between you, me, and the lamppost (and my 500 followers), I think pineapple on pizza is underrated.
Response Patterns
- Acknowledging confidentiality: Okay, got it. / My lips are sealed. / You have my word. / It won't go any further.
- Non-verbal cues: Leaning closer, nodding seriously.
Common Follow-up Questions/Actions
- The speaker shares the confidential information.
- The listener is ethically bound (in informal contexts) not to repeat it.
- Breaking this confidence is considered a breach of trust.
- The listener might ask clarifying questions about the secret.
Conversation Starter
- Yes. It's a common way to signal the start of sharing confidential information.
Intonation
- Often spoken slightly quieter than normal conversation volume.
- Stress on you and me. If the extension is used, stress also on lamppost.
- Between YOU and ME...
- Tone is confidential, sometimes conspiratorial.
Generation Differences
- Between you and me is universally understood.
- Between you, me, and the lamppost might sound quaint or folksy to younger generations but is generally understood.
Regional Variations
- Both forms common across English-speaking regions. Gatepost is a common UK/Irish variant for lamppost.