Test the waters

[1023] Feel someone out

🎲 Size someone up
English Idioms
All Idioms

Explanation

  • To subtly try to discover someone's opinions, intentions, or feelings on a particular matter, usually through indirect conversation or questioning.

Origin

  • The origin isn't definitively traced, but feel out likely relates to using touch or gentle probing to understand something unseen or uncertain, extended metaphorically to understanding a person's hidden thoughts or attitudes.

Synonyms & Related Expressions

  • Gauge someone's reaction/opinion.
  • Sound someone out. (Very similar meaning and usage)
  • Put out feelers. (More about gathering general information, less targeted at one person)
  • Test the waters. (Similar, but often applies more to situations than specific people's opinions)
  • Take someone's temperature. (Figuratively, assess their mood or opinion)

Alternatives

Slang/Informal:

  • Get a read on someone.
  • Vibe someone out. (Check their attitude/personality, slightly different nuance)
  • Suss someone out. (UK/Aus figure out their intentions/character)

Milder/Standard:

  • Ascertain their views. (Formal)
  • Explore their perspective.
  • Gently probe their opinion.

Situational Appropriateness

  • Appropriate in informal and semi-formal contexts.
  • Might sound a bit too informal or manipulative in very formal settings, where ascertain their views might be preferred.

Misunderstanding Warnings

  • Non-native speakers might be confused by the physical feel aspect. Emphasize it means understanding thoughts or opinions indirectly.

Examples

  • I need to feel him out about whether he'd support our proposal before the meeting.
  • She tried to feel out her parents about letting her go on the trip.
  • Before asking for a raise, it's wise to feel out your manager's mood and the company's financial health.

Dialogue

Chris: I want to ask Lisa to collaborate on the project, but I'm not sure if she's interested.

Dana: Why don't you casually mention the project challenges in your next chat and see how she responds? Feel her out a bit.

Chris: Yeah, that's a good way to gauge her interest without putting her on the spot.

Social Media Examples

  • Forum Post: Advice needed: How to feel out my roommate about moving out without making things awkward? #livingtogether #roommateproblems
  • Tweet: Trying to feel out the team's interest in a virtual happy hour next week. Yay or nay? 🤔 #worklife

Response Patterns

  • Good luck, hope they're receptive.
  • What did you find out? / How did they seem? (After the attempt)
  • Be careful how you phrase things.
  • Smart move.

Common Follow-up Questions/Actions

  • The person proceeds to have the cautious conversation.
  • After the attempt, they might report back on the person's perceived attitude (He seemed open to it, or She was pretty non-committal).
  • Based on the feedback, they decide on their next course of action (e.g., make the request directly, change tactics).

Conversation Starter

  • No. Typically discussed as a strategy within a conversation about how to interact with someone.

Intonation

  • Neutral, often slightly conspiratorial or cautious tone.
  • Stress usually on FEEL and OUT.
  • Example: FEEL someone OUT.

Generation Differences

  • Commonly used by most adult generations.

Regional Variations

  • Widely used in American and British English. Sound someone out might be slightly more common in British English.
Test the waters
🎲 Size someone up